Center Of My Life

Here I am

Almost 40. My sister in law, who is 41 said I will change when I hit it. She said it’s the age that you no longer care what people think of you. She said it’s her favorite age and she’s having the time of her life. I’ve really already obtained that for the most part…..but I could use a little more work.

I made it through beach time without a drink. I did have a few other things, I don’t know why other than it was vacation and stupidity. Not enough to even feel anything from it.

I’m praying it was just a slip and that it’s not going to suck me back in. It’s been a few days and I’m fine.

I don’t really know if I’m at the center of my life. I’m a smoker, so I’m sure that’s cut off some years. And 20 plus years of drinking and drugs have taken a toll. And my daily supply of BC powders can’t be good. 

But I am still here for now. 

And I still have dreams and things that drive me. While I’m still waiting for God to tell me my purpose and assist with me working again, I do know where I want to be. 

Alabama and Florida has 100’s of miles of coast land. I want to be near a sliver of one of them. I’d proudly live in a shack, a cottage, a closet or a box. What could be more beautiful than seeing waves every day.

For years and years I’ve begged my husband to move. He always said no I couldn’t work there. I can’t comprehend this. Do you not think construction goes on outside of our major city? Makes no sense. Why should only lucky people get to be born there, or brave people get to move there? Why can’t we?

My best friend’s ex husband move to the Georgia coast a year ago. His new girlfriend is an addict with no job history. He doesn’t have a great job history. But they moved, they go to beach every weekend and seem happier than ever. No fair.

About 2 years ago I broke out the computer and compared cost of living between our state vs. Florida and Alabama. Out of the three, we currently have the highest cost of living, with no beach view. I also looked up his type of work….plenty of it there. This broke his no work argument.

Little by little I’ve been able to get him to see the possibility of making the jump. He is open to it. He can get excited dreaming about it with me. He keeps telling me we are in the 3rd quarter of our life, this would be the time. I can have my car packed in 20 minutes I say.

I prayed the past 2 weeks, please let me see the beach soon. I got to. I often pray, please let us move to the beach….I’ll pray this till I die.

I would do anything to make this happen. This would be truly a dream come true. We are looking into things and he’s calling some contactors down south. I’d go back to school to finish my degree. Finally figure out what I can do with my life, work wise.

Please God. Let us find our little beach town made just for us.

Center

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