My New Blog, Please Follow

I’m writing a new blog solely about my venture through Reformers Unanimous.

I’d love for you to follow my new attempt at this blogging world. 

You can always expect full honesty and sincerity with anything I post.

I’ll be more than happy to follow you as well!! 

https://myrujourney.wordpress.com/

Thank you to all that have offered encouragement on my road to sobriety! 

Reformers Unanimous 

This program has taken me years to attend. I first heard about it, ironically enough, from my moma. The same person that introduced me to my drug of choice. 

She told me I should look in to the program after I finished rehab. 

I didn’t know much about it, but it is church, Bible based addictions program. My church actually had a chapter of the program running for several years. But I never went. 

I left rehab and my world continued it’s downward spiral for months. Late last year I remembered the program name and thought I want that! I grew up in church, but never experienced the full power of God till last year. It was amazing. 

I started my hunt for a church than ran the program. My home church had stopped it because enough people did not show up. 

I went to the RU website, check their map and wrote down all the churches within 40 miles of me. Most of the places I called, told me they no longer offered this. I found one, 45 minutes away from my home. 

I went, and this specific one was not the meeting for me. For reasons I may explain later, or may just keep to myself. After this meeting I slowly worked my way back to another relapse during the Christmas season.

I found one a little closer this year. In March, my husband visited with me once. After the initial visit, I’ve went here and there but not very consistently. 

I read somewhere this week: If no actions change, everything else will remain the same. It hit me. I need to take action, jump on something.

God willing, I’ll be faithful to this program. Tonight I finally received my first award for work I’d done. It feels a tiny bit cheesy to me, but no different than AA chips- in my humble opinion.

I’m almost finished with the first Pamphlet. It’s called The Overcomer, Entry Level Workbook. I have 2 more tasks to do. Attend a Sunday School class somewhere, and give a pamphlet to someone that I think could benefit. 

As soon as I do these things, I move to the first real book. I pray I continue. 

This is the only program for me. I’ve learned, I’m a replacer. I have switched out addictions for many many years. I conquer one thing, then just pick up another. I’m looking for freedom, not juggling. This is the program for me, because I believe it. I do believe Christ can do all things, so surely He can help me. I don’t have much, but I have faith. 

Center Of My Life

Here I am

Almost 40. My sister in law, who is 41 said I will change when I hit it. She said it’s the age that you no longer care what people think of you. She said it’s her favorite age and she’s having the time of her life. I’ve really already obtained that for the most part…..but I could use a little more work.

I made it through beach time without a drink. I did have a few other things, I don’t know why other than it was vacation and stupidity. Not enough to even feel anything from it.

I’m praying it was just a slip and that it’s not going to suck me back in. It’s been a few days and I’m fine.

I don’t really know if I’m at the center of my life. I’m a smoker, so I’m sure that’s cut off some years. And 20 plus years of drinking and drugs have taken a toll. And my daily supply of BC powders can’t be good. 

But I am still here for now. 

And I still have dreams and things that drive me. While I’m still waiting for God to tell me my purpose and assist with me working again, I do know where I want to be. 

Alabama and Florida has 100’s of miles of coast land. I want to be near a sliver of one of them. I’d proudly live in a shack, a cottage, a closet or a box. What could be more beautiful than seeing waves every day.

For years and years I’ve begged my husband to move. He always said no I couldn’t work there. I can’t comprehend this. Do you not think construction goes on outside of our major city? Makes no sense. Why should only lucky people get to be born there, or brave people get to move there? Why can’t we?

My best friend’s ex husband move to the Georgia coast a year ago. His new girlfriend is an addict with no job history. He doesn’t have a great job history. But they moved, they go to beach every weekend and seem happier than ever. No fair.

About 2 years ago I broke out the computer and compared cost of living between our state vs. Florida and Alabama. Out of the three, we currently have the highest cost of living, with no beach view. I also looked up his type of work….plenty of it there. This broke his no work argument.

Little by little I’ve been able to get him to see the possibility of making the jump. He is open to it. He can get excited dreaming about it with me. He keeps telling me we are in the 3rd quarter of our life, this would be the time. I can have my car packed in 20 minutes I say.

I prayed the past 2 weeks, please let me see the beach soon. I got to. I often pray, please let us move to the beach….I’ll pray this till I die.

I would do anything to make this happen. This would be truly a dream come true. We are looking into things and he’s calling some contactors down south. I’d go back to school to finish my degree. Finally figure out what I can do with my life, work wise.

Please God. Let us find our little beach town made just for us.

Center

Beach Time

My husband and I are doing something totally irresponsible and heading to the beach soon.

I’ve stressed my fears about this for years…this and concerts. These are terrifying.

Vacations and concerts- I’d always be feeling good! Limitless supplies were a absolutely gotta have for me.

My husband still drinks, I do not. I can’t.

My husband also invited his sister, she’s a drinker.

And of course on beach time, drinks start in the AM. 

He keeps asking aren’t you excited? (Remember my obsessed post from yesterday? Yes, we are going to that same hotel)

I’m excited. I LOVE the beach. I beg God daily to let me live there soon- seriously….you can ask my entire family.

Dear God, don’t let my feet slip.

Happy 23!

Today is my 23rd wedding anniversary. Well not just mine, mine and my husbands.

Neither of us know how we got to this landmark. We’ve both wanted to give up over the years, but never at the same time.

You share so much history after this many years together, but it’s sped by! We were married as kids, 16 years old. 

He always says we’ve raised each other, and we have.

My Papa had a wall at his house of everyone’s wedding pictures. As they would divorce, he’d take the pictures down. He never put up pictures of the second or third marriages…..not out of spite- he aged and just didn’t update with new pictures. He passed away last month. There are only 2 pictures left on that wedding wall….mine and D’s. And my Nanny and Papa’s.

I’m not a hater of divorce, sometimes it just doesn’t work out! But I’m personally grateful we pushed through the it’s over phases, or the I hate you phases. Every one of those phases made our foundation a little stronger when we made up.

It’s honestly been a blur…  

Anyway….not too long today because it’s a rare off day for him and I want to spend time with him.

Marriage is hard, mean, sweet, fun, exciting, boring, passionate- everything in the book.

But I’m grateful for mine!! 

No Way- Dead Before 40??

My husband turned our TV last night when I left the room. (I watch Investigation Discovery 24-7- literally 24-7)

He flipped it to some CNN or HLN show….it was a special on Prince. I believe it was called How It Really Happened. Another celebrity, died alone, drugs was the cause. Of course my heart breaks. (Plus Prince was awesome.) 

Shows over, go back to scrolling on my phone. How It Really Happened, Anna Nicole Smith was coming up next. My jaw hit the floor when they said she died at 39. That can’t be right, I’m 39. She was way older than I was when she died. I stayed glued to the TV, even though I already knew her story.

Next up, How It Really Happened, OJ. Nicole Simpson, dead at 35….that is impossible! 

These people were old to me when they passed! How did I never realize this?

So of course my obsessive mind had to google celebrities that died at 39.

Wild Bill

Martin Luther King Jr

Amelia Earhart

Anna Nicole

Malcolm X 

I told my husband and my son this week, I never thought I’d be 40 and not be anything. Not that I’ve ever been career minded, I’ve got my family and I’ve had awesome jobs. (My goal is to finish school one day.) 

Life slips away so freakin fast. I’m definitely not saying 39 is old….but when you feel 18 in your 39 year old body you feel a little invincible.

Anyway I’m rambling. I’m just shocked because these people were so old when they died. Or at least I thought they were when I was 20.

Laugh at These Scores, But They Make Me Proud

I’m a 39 year old white girl with no sport skills in her body.

I have a 15 year old wannabe pro skater, that can win at anything he tries.

Except bowlin- against his moma.

My cousin invited us for all night bowling on Saturday night. I’m trying to get out more so I was ready. Got 3 of my kids pumped and went to meet my family. (Did I mention it was for my cousin’s daughter’s 21st birthday?) So a few young adults, one child and a few of us older people. 

Bowling 11-2 AM

The first 2 games were alright. My youngest son won those as he was able to have bumpers etc…

Around 1 AM I realized most of the people that came with our group was gone. It was only my kids and me left. Moma let’s play one game one on one. 

Let’s do it

He cheated. He went back and forth with oh I’m not really trying, which was a lie. But I still won.

I beat my 15 year old boy at not one, not two but three games. 

I’ll give him credit, he did win the final…

My kids dropped like flies from exhaustion on the bowling alley couches- but I stayed up. I kept telling my oldest boy- oh no- get up. If I can do this, you can too!  I beat the ones celebrating a 21st birthday. 

And I beat my boy….I’m pretty sure this will never happen again.

It was a good night.

(It took days to get these pictures. My photo editing, YouTuber couldn’t “figure out” how to send them to me. Uh yeah right boy, get them pictures to me)

Against the Odds