Utterly Failed

My preacher used to tell a story about Brother G. This man wanted nothing more than to stop smoking. I saw him cry, beg and try to bargain with God. Please help me with this.

One Sunday he came to church, again crying but this time happy tears. I did it, I quit smoking! 

Not too long after, Brother G. came to church deflated. What’s wrong Preacher asked. Well I thought my life would be great and wonderful once this big tree of addiction was cut out of my life. But with it gone, now I see a whole forest of things to get out of my life.

This is me now. I’m Brother G’s copycat.

No I didn’t make it through the day. But it’s ok, I’ll get there. 

I feel stagnant this week. It’s been a month since I lost my job. I’m still praying for patience, but I’m still just as anxious about my next step in life. I wish Jesus would just whisper in my ear- here do this now! Or at least give a hint.

I used to never consider myself creative, I hate that word. I’m a disorganized, 100 mile a minute, emotional person. When people would call me a photographer I’d think….eeewww yuck, that just compounded unneeded pressure.

But as I age I see a little creativity peeking out. I’ve always got some idea or notion going on in my head. My problem is that I get  so bored with them, that I never actually finish anything. Or I get too overwhelmed so other things never get started. 

I’m rambling and racing. I know this is the time I need to step back and regroup. That’s one thing good I’ve learned about me, when to slow or down and ask for some peace.



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