My life wasn’t always awful. I’ve had plenty of good times! To me, this is one of the scariest parts. You’re coasting through, partyin’, as I called it. You’re lucky because you’ve found a stress reliever and it’s FUN!! And then BAM! You’re caught inside your own body and mind and you can’t escape yourself.
As a kid, I never thought to myself, I sure do hope I’m caught up in addiction when I grow up! Won’t that be exciting?? No! I wanted to be a marine bologist. Which I’m not.
Looking back at my teens, I can see how this all happened. Hindsight and all. At 15 I found alcohol. I was the crazy one of my group. They would sip their drinks, I’d guzzel. My best friend wouldn’t touch beer, I’d drink anything. I would drink until I was completely gone. I did so many things I regret, or just don’t remember.
I ended up passing out on some strangers porch. I talked my friend into burning some boy’s initials on my arm, with a cigarette. I slept with a boy, that I didn’t know. I stole my friends parents alcohol. I spent many nights on my friends bathroom floor just begging God to make the house stop spinning, and I’d never drink again. That was a lie.
All this between the ages of 15-16. I wonder sonetimes, where the hell were my parents, but then I try to stop blaming others.
I guess I was a binge drinker. I could go long periods without it, but if I knew I could access it, I’d drink till the last drop. Then I got married. I had babies. I was good. We didn’t drink. We took care of our life.
Fast forward to the age of 19. I had 2 daughters and my guy. We had our own place, but I was always at my mom’s. Always waiting for her to hang out with me and show me attention. I had a earache. Here, take this, you will feel better.
My mom had tried to push her pills on her kids for years, we always said no. That time I didn’t. And she was right, I felt better. I had no pain and wow…I even scrubbed my house and became super mom! My entire body felt alive.
I had no clue I was signing away 20 years of my life. I had no clue I’d get so caught up in the pills, then go back to just alcohol, then back to pills and add the alcohol.
I honestly didn’t know.
The fun is super fun until it’s not fun anymore, then it’s a nightmare.
This brings me to my kids today. My blood runs through theirs. My husbands as well. Addiction is everywhere on both sides of our family.
I’ve always been brutally honest with my kids. I tell my daughter please be careful. I hate that she drinks sometimes. But she’s also an adult. My husband says I’m over reacting.
If I could talk to younger kids, I would say, YES!! Have fun!! Enjoy your life!! But PLEASE be careful. You don’t really know your an addict until it’s too late.
What will be that drink or drug that you try, that you won’t be able to put down? Sometimes to find out that answer, you have to lose yourself for awhile. It took me 20 years to get myself back. And some never get to come back at all.