Trust In Things or People of This World? Nah

​When I overcame my depression, it felt like a light switch came on in my life. I got a job, my husband liked me again and my kids were coming back to me. I was a productive member of my family. I had everything I’d ever wanted, or so I thought.
I was doing it all on my own. I didn’t need God or meetings.
Of course there was that minor issue in my life. I was dependent on suboxone. So what, I’d tell my husband. Look how far I’ve come. You’ll have to get over it. I’m not as bad as my mom anymore, right? What more do you want from me? I’ve done everything you asked of me and your still not happy. Ugh, I’ll just never be who you want. I’ll come off next month, ok maybe next year. Look my doctor said I can stay on it forever. 
That was it. That was his final straw. Those were the words that turned his life inside out. I didn’t know it, but he was preparing to leave me. 
I was so positive I was right and he was wrong. I couldn’t see the person I’d become. Yes, I was “sober” but I wasn’t me. My entire life was a routine. Get up, brush teeth, take kids to school, work, go to sleep. Keep your head down, don’t mingle with anyone. Just breathe and smile. My heart was still cold. Not to my kids, but to outside people and my husband. If only they would all realize everything I’d done to get better. 
My daughter was going through her third round of Bells Paisley. I found an old book of my grandmothers. Proving God. It went on and on about the Power of Prayer. I wanted this, my husband needed this. He should get right and be happy again. I looked at my daughter, I’m doing this. I’m praying for 30 days on purpose. Watch how much our life will change, just watch it get better.
I never ever could have imagined what the next 30 days would hold. 
No, everything did not get better. Yes, everything changed. 
Every thing and every person I had my trust in, was about to crumble. God was ready for me to come to the end of myself. 


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